I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
