If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
