had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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