I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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