I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
