I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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