Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i came on her dog
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize