I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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