dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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