my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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