The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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