dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
