My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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