I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
