I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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