there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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