OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
