I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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