Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
