Soap is not a condiment
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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