i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
