You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
