Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So much rum. So many feels.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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