God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
