Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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