Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
