I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
