i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
