i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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