i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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