My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
