just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize