that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
