then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
