i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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