I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
