conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it hurts more in the daytime
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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