How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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