What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
