Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize