Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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