"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
