You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
