handjob tips. give me some.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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