u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PS: I just woke up from my shower
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
