Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
