I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
