the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
