I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
