He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
