My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
