So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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