Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
