He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
