Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize