So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
