oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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