and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
