just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
