I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
