there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
