Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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