I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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