wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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