I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
