Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
