I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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