He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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