how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
