peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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