1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
