So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
