I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize