Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What a dumb baby whore.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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