Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
