Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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