The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
