my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
