Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
