I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
