Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
