i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
