I am midnight drunk by noon
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
