Pappa wants mamma naked
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
