Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
