There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
