16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
