Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
