I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize