so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
