If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
