I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
