Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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