As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
