i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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