my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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