My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want nice things and good sex
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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