Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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