I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
