I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
