I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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