did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
