it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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