I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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