Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
