FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
