Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
