i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
