The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
