Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
