god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
