it was like eating out sand paper
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
